Messages of Hope
On this page you will find messages and pictures of hope from survivors of sexual abuse and rape – we hope that if you are reading this, you will realise you are not alone and that, with the right support, you can find hope.
If you have anything you want to add to this page that you think would be helpful for survivors to read, please email us firstname.lastname@example.org
A Revelation – Anonymous
Revelation going on here this morning. I think everything’s starting to make sense.
There is a fight. I’ve always said its between rational and emotional brain but I guess it can work for adult and child too. Children aren’t rational or predictable or have enough understanding and experience to handle big emotions.
The adult in me really wants to move on. And cut the ties that hold me to the past. Its why I’ve been working so hard to change things. Yes the assault and everything it means and carries was tough but I want to get to a point where I can step into the freedom that the future holds. I remember you saying that it’s like a cut that heals and turns into a scar, still there but not painful. That’s what I want.
But there is still a part of me that can’t let go. I realise now that’s the child. This is what i know and although its hard its familiar so not scary. I was talking to a friend about the picture of the hand and the rope I drew that I really struggled to talk to you about. I explained to her that I can’t let go as I don’t feel I can stand on my own without ‘this’. For five years I’ve been consumed by it all and I’ve forgotten how to be and who I am. I’m scared to let go as I’m holding onto peoples help and that need for them to scoop me up and fix things. If I’m in a better place I won’t get that care. I couldn’t really understand that, felt like I was one big attention seeker. But I get now that’s the child. She needs that care. What child wouldn’t.
So I guess moving forward I need to be able to meet her needs. I’ve always looked to others for that and is where I’m stuck at the moment. Scared to move on and loose peoples help and care. The child is clearly very strong as she’s been able to hold me back for so long so if I could get the adult and child to work together they could help each other. Only thing is I’m better at self-hate and self-destruct that self-care so I guess that needs work. I’ve hated the part of me that is so ‘needy’ but maybe I’m beginning to realise its ok as that’s what children are and do.
I feel like throughout childhood I wanted to be different and cope better than my sisters. Maybe that independence and adult thinking didn’t give the child time to get what she needed. I know when there was family crisis it was almost a relief as I had an excuse to reach out and be cared for by teachers etc at school. I’m not saying I didn’t get that from my parents but it was shared 6 ways. Since secondary school really I’ve looked outside of my family to meet my child’s needs. Again I feel like that’s me being ‘needy’ and being a drama queen. I just crave peoples care. Maybe the penny is dropping and I’m getting that I need that and still do now as I didn’t get it before. Or maybe I’ve had too much of it but in the wrong way from my mum.
When I moved to uni and had the first chance to do this whole adulting thing the assault happened. I froze and needed rescuing and I’ve been stuck there ever since
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